kitkamom

Well, finally I am seeing some pounds loss, after I gained more in the beginning. I was at my highest weight ever, and didnt post it because of embarrassment. All in all I have seen a 7 pound loss, and am finally feeling better about things. I have been going to the ymca with my daughter, and eating less, and just all around feeling better about things in general. My daughter has started her own buddyslim page, so I hope you all get to meet her. She has seen a 10 pound loss since we have been doing it together. I am so proud of her! So….I am hoping I am able to keep up the weight loss, and hoping to meet my goal weight in the future.

Just stopping by to check in and let you all know that my daughter and I have been going to the Y to work out almost daily. We have taken on the chore of being each others work out buddies. So we are held accountable if we dont work out. I have also gotten to the point where I am drinking more water, and am down to 1 diet soda a day. Which is quite a feat, seeing as I was drinking only diet soda all day long. I am afraid that I gained some weight after joining, so when I was finally able to weigh in again, I am up in pounds. Which has bummed me out. But hey….a setback is a setback…no need to ruin my life over it. I have cut back on how much I eat in a sitting also, which I praise my self about. But with the recent news of Michael Jacksons sudden death, I was tempted to eat myself into oblivion. But all in all, I am doing much better, and am feeling better also…..

Well for some reason the scale has disappeared here at work, so I havent been able to weigh in. Which kind of bums me out, cause I live to read the numbers and get upset. I dont have one at home, cause I do get so upset. But I have been eating less, and moving more, and I seem to feel like my clothes are fitting a little less tight. If only I could find a scale. Why do I feel like I need to see the #s….just to prove it, I guess. I also havent kicked the diet soda habit…I drink them most of the day. I gotto get water in to my system. But cant seem to get over the tastlessness of water. I think I heard one time, that it takes a week or so for your tastebuds to develop a liking to a new taste….or something to that effect. To me, a week is an eternity without my diet soda. But I have been getting off my butt, so in time I will conquer the water thing too. I am a little happier with myself, at least for now. Oh….I do snack out once in a while…..just another habit I need to look into changing. But There is a big improvement there too.  It is not as bad as it was. I am getting it better in control. Sooooo…..I am doing better than I was…..I am feeling better than I was…….but no numbers to prove it………Am I losing WEIGHT?????

Gosh…here I am all set to lose weight and guess what…I have no motivation to get moving. I have all kind of excuses…”I have too much to do”..”I’m too tired”…..you know, same old same old. What about”Youre too fat, get a move on.” With everything going on in my day, I lose my sense of myself. What I want to do, what I need. I seem to become this person who has to account for what they want. My daughter needs to do this, so watch the baby….my hubby needs to do that, so you need to go too….Mom needs everything, so you need to listen to her. Where am I at? When will I be able to set it all aside and figure out who I am, and make myself happy? Will the day ever come when I can separate myself from being their all, and just be me, atleast for a little while, and see what exactly I want and need. Or will I always be consumed by what others expect and what others need? I guess I am that kind of person…seeing as what I do for a living, taking care of others. But does it have to end up where I lose myself while I care for others? Or was there never really a me to begin with? I guess I am just in a wierd mood. Any Way…I’m having a tough time getting started. Stress just seems to keep crossing my lips…..

Monday…and its raining. No walking today. But I have been walking the past two days..30 mins each day. Which to me is a big deal. Cause I havent been up to much lately. Havent felt good about the eating part tho. I am trying to cut down on junk, and start to eat better. I am addicted to ice cold diet pepsi. I know it isnt good for me, but nothing seems to quench my thirst like it. I am not a water drinker, but I need to start drinking it. But how to get past the non taste….I also work the third shift, in a lock down unit. Which is boring….not much going on then. I find my self munching alot. I have to gain control. How do I gain control???  I wish I could do the Hypnosis deal…where they hypnotize you into losing weight. I have been hating myself for so long, I hope I can finally learn to love myself.

Well, this is the beginning for me. I am at the heaviest weight in my life. I am ashamed of myself for getting this heavy. And I am determined to lose weight.I need to be accountable for what I eat, and need to get busy, and get moving. I basically work, and sleep. But I work 2 jobs, and only get 6 hrs of sleep a day. That counts falling asleep time. I feel tired most of the time and unmotivated. Whether its my age, or my sleep schedule, sedentary life style, or just me, I aim to try to change this. I am a third shift worker….and this wreaks havoc with me. I snack all night, on unhealthy things. And one of the things the night workers like to do, is hold eat nights. Everyone brings in something to eat, and we eat. Be it hoagie night, salad night, or so on.